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Founded in 2000 and barely updated since!

for alcoholic columnists, government officials, 
New Zealanders and other dilettantes.

Great insider sites
plus a bit of satire.

Sponsored by:
High Fructose
Corn Syrup


Supreme Court:
"No Longer Can Police Discriminate Against Suspicious-Looking People"

The suspicious-looking breath collective sigh of relief

Conducting activities expected to be much easier, for the shifty

From The Archives:

Al-Qaeda Drops Andersen

In related news, the nation's highest court also ruled in favor of Washington D.C. vs. Washington State, agreeing with the capitol's assertion that Washington State's name is in violation of newly established trademark rules.

In a settlement, the former Washington State -- along with Oregon, California, Arizona,  New Mexico and Oklahoma -- agreed to change its name to "Texas."

First Photo of Donald Rumsfeld & Saddam
National Security Archive)

* not satire

Saddam Captured!
sadaam captured.gif (16395 bytes)
Wallet found at bottom of "Spider Hole" -- Baghdad library card, witty yet scary repartee with California governor confirms identity

Return of Democracy, Free Markets and Rule of Law "imminent" Rumsfeld promises the American People in leaked memo

Drooping Dollar Delights
US Exporters

The economist sitting next to me points out that a weak dollar makes US exports more attractive (cheaper) to foreign markets! 
Let's review the TOP 3 exports and their foreign markets (it's interesting, go with it):

Exports to:

Not France

On the organic farm with...
Prince Charles
Genetic manipulation -- it's just wrong"

Bush Speaks on California Recall Election:
"I suggest they narrow it down to a single party, as we've done with the executive and legislative branches there in Washington. "

Terorists Bomb
UN Offices
Jerusalem Civies
Jakarta Marriott
Bush issues swift response from ranch -- "Bomb Iraq!" 

ATM Machines: Criminals Target Banking's "Weak Link!"
NY Times reported Sunday (Aug. 3) That an Albanian- Yugoslavian illegally retained $3.5 million by manipulating NYC ATMs. He was quickly  imprisoned.

However, it is feared that other criminals might target "Banking's weak link" again: Could this outrageous plot force consumers to question the way we bank?

In unrelated news, another $300 million fine was paid last week by America's two largest banks, Citi and J.P. Morgan Chase, for a line of services provided to Enron, which subsequently lost $40 billion in investor money through improper activities (see "Bankrupt Thinking", by Floyd Norris). Banking leaders are "pleased that the public can again trust   banks."

Signalling  Approval, Bush Gives "Starter Cache" of Weapons of Mass Destruction to Newly Appointed Iraqi Government 
"'Welcome!' says US Prez" in WMD Country reception/ fireworks display, held outside Los Alamos

CIA, FBI Once Again Denied Admission to International Association of Professional Intelligence Gatherers
Spy chiefs blame a "single error" for this year's denial to the 143-nation club -- knowing about terrorist plans to fly airplanes into the WTC and letting it slide.

CIA Chief: "We will definitely apply again next year, after all this hooha"

Sweeping Reforms Announced By New York Times
Designed to address  factors behind accusations of corporate wrongdoings at The Times, Publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. announced the paper would be dropping its long-time accounting firm, Andersen, and also appointing an  ombudsman, to fortify its self-regulation process.

These dramatic acts come in response to increasingly shriller calls by critics for separation between The Time's auditing business (reporting) of U.S. and foreign government activities and their more prestigious government consulting practice.

THE NY TIMES Claims to have published articles that are biased, badly-reported, stolen from other newspapers, or just plain false!

- The Onion

White House
Office of Market Management warns business reporters:
"...A one-day rise in stocks is to be refered to as The "New Bull Market."

A three week plunge is heretofore referenced only as "investors take profits." 

Another Black Eye for the New York Times:

The New York Times'
recent  140,000 word article demonstrating the false and shoddy reporting by one of its own,  ex-reporter Jayson Blair, was  discovered to have been copied from the Internet.

(For details see Sunday's New York Times, in article by The Times' newest diversity program intern, Ms. Jaysona Blair.)

Hong Kong-Based Airliner Cathay Pacific's New Marketing Slogan:
"Forget about SARS -- hey, more people die each year flying!"

Work for Slathered
Ask us about our competitive severance packages!

Association of Newspaper Business Editors states official position on false reporting: "Our position is to permit only objective, primary-source reporting, i.e. copying from that day's Wall Street Journal and/or New York Times. When deeper reporting is required, it is our practice to interview a Journal or NYT reporter. The Associated Press can provide a second source, and for the "alternate," or opposite voice, we rely on the BBC."

China Nears Perfection

1. Spitting Banned.
2. Eating Monkeys Banned
3. Citizenry demands, gets, truth from press
4. Cheap great stuff they make gets even cheaper
5. Hong Kong expats help locals

Workingmen to Arms!
Bush rescues
from the
WorldWide Socialists. Introducing... "Loyalty Day."

French miffed

Pentagon "Shocked" by Iraqi Fighting Tactics

"Shock and awe" was officially registered by dismayed U.S. generals, who are now demanding  economic sanctions against the Iraqi regime for making mockery of  established International Shock-Awe Standards. These generals warn that by continuing this strategy, the Iraqi regime "places itself in grave danger" -- diplomatic code for armed action, or even armed conflict.

Iraqis Celebrate Following Bush Freedom Speech

Residents of Baghdad -- who comprise the dot found in the U.S. military's bulls-eye -- felt renewed and hopeful last night following the historical speech by President George Bush, in which he promised the Iraqi people he would "rid the nation of its terrorist leader."

The mood was celebratory at the Al-Qaza tea shop...
Full Story

Accusers point to direct evidence of program dating back to 1945

Bush on Shuttle Explosion:
Bomb Iraq

Bush To Free Alaska
"Too long have Alaska's Oil Patches of Democracy been ruled by Wildlife's nefarious 'Axis of Wilderness,' said President Bush Saturday.

** Troops Sent **

NY Times Glad Transit Strike Averted
Screw this place
"Finally, we can return to our tradition of tallying Middle East killings," proclaim relieved New York Times editors

NJ passes law requiring "child-proofed"  handguns
Child Criminal Rights Groups shocked, outraged

Globalization Primer:
#37 in a series
for Freedom"

U.S. State Department Evacuation Alert
In response to as-yet unsolved attacks on New York, Postal System and NPR's award-seeking series "47 Ways America is Fat and Bad," the U.S. State Department has called for Code Red evacuation.
* *  Planes Sent  * *

McDs Korner

mcdcar.jpg (4761 bytes)

1. Make their Fries...
at your house!

2. Lose 30 pounds...
without diet or excercise!

3. "ValueMeal -- 30 percent more growth Hormones"

hulk.JPG (9681 bytes)

Older News
Bush to Osama:
"I'll hunt you down myself!"

US Set to Pursue Ruthless "Operation Manana"

Al-Qaeda Drops Andersen

New Spin on Old Technology Adds Powerful Weapon into US Intelligence Arsenal: "The Phone"

"Not All Suicide Bombers Are Same"
-- Harvard
Student  Protests

Chief Yahoo
defects to Google

"Somehow feels right" -- Koogle

Coke Brokers Middle East Peace with Valuable Coupons

CokeGear exchanged for troubled lands

Washington D.C. dangerously low in essential oxygen
NPR, Mayor Marion Barry

Week  of 05/02/06
This week's

Foreign Gum-Flappers

Overheard on
the Tonkin)

by ElectricYENTA
The scoop from the wacky streets of Hanoi, Vietnam...captures the hilarious, orderly anarchy.

Weird Dictionaries
uArabic Smoking Dictionary
Having an awkward moment or two with an Arab-only speaker? This handy checklist offers a wealth of conversation starters, including "Smoking is almost my hobby" and "I've always loved Swedish women." 


Cash Dish
Asia Pacific
Management Forum

Sounds like another lame think tank for horny Australian "economists?" Well, besides that they've got some of the most sophisticated and funny insight, lively discussion and pure gossip. A blast of fresh air for whispers-only Asia.


Shop Talk
Tales from the Coop

Satiric dispatches from old and recent General Meetings, the governing body of the Park Slope Food Coop in Brooklyn. A selective chronicle of the interesting and the unpleasant in coop governance. Latest entry: "We vote not to vote."

Yenta's Toolbox
Search Engine Spy

Voyeur in real-time on what people are popping into various popular search engines.


Just Gossips & Kooks
Jis Axin

"International Relations"

U.S. manufacturing numbers have dropped dramatically. Guess what is still "made in the USA?"
(poll from 2000 but joke is rather easier
to get 5
years later!)
"Buy American" bumpterstickers
None of Above

Current results

Introducting a Revolutionary 
Internet Service...

beyondblahb.jpg (9565 bytes)

Gossip Pages*:
Shop Talk
Biz, secret hobbies.

Cash Dish

Earn 'n squander.



Cairo to Hanoi.

Salaried Yentas
Famous gossips.

Tech Dreck

Internet, Software.

Rabid Fans

All Hollywood.

Grinding Axes

Apopleptic gadflies.

Rheumy Nation
Punditry nook.

Key Resources

Snoop tools



The Kooks are at


Work for Slathered
Ask us about our competitive severance packages!

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-- Ronald Reagan

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İMostly 1999 but updates through 2003 (current). Slathered. All Rights Reserved.
Any resemblance to real people reflected in the news articles and features
on this website are solely meant to be ironic, spiteful or plain silly.


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